There were moments in the early months when thought the people who talk about how much “fun” parenting is must seriously be crazy.
At times, parenthood feels like living in a world where your own thoughts, wants, or needs are controlled by a tiny pause button, namely, your baby. And at times, this does not feel good. For me, it’s been one of the hardest adjustments. However, the “fun” thing?
I get it now.
Evan’s smiles make my day. His giggles are infectious and define pure joy more than anything I’ve ever experienced.
He is curious and skeptical and careful with who gets smiles, yet he is friendly and enjoys meeting new people.
I’m partial, but he is seriously the funniest baby I’ve ever met. He makes me laugh like his daddy does, so we know where he got it…
At six months, I love:
- reclining in the chair in the nursery with a light blanket, a cup of coffee, iBooks, and Evan dozing in my arms
- wearing him on our adventures (mostly Target at this point, but looking to change that this summer )
- his light-up-the-room smile whenever he sees me (it’s mutual)
- our best days, when there is no agenda (and mommy gets to eat breakfast)
- Eau de Evan
That last one, there? Seriously…there is no better smell on earth than your baby. I will remember this until the day I die and it is one of those things I just cannot do justice to by description. It’s powerful and biological and raw and pure; it is such a magical part of the connection we have, and I just never expected it would mean so much to me.
So far, figuring out who I am as a mama seems like a lifelong journey, which I also wasn’t expecting. In the last six months I have had some of the most difficult and wonderful days and weeks of my life. There are many aspects of this new role, this new life, this new identity that feel like un-molded clay, but it also seems some elements are taking shape, and slowly, I am feeling more and more like “myself” with each passing week.
Above all the hormones and mood swings and overwhelming feelings, I know one thing without a doubt: I love this tiny human more than I ever thought possible, and that love grows each and every day, just like he does.